10 Ways to Stop Being a Writer
Open Instagram for “just a second.” First thing in the morning is best.
Google literary agents. Spend extra time on the ones way you know are out of reach.
Read comment sections.
Feel anxious about all the fighting in the comment sections for hours. Perhaps take that anxiety out on the people around you in various ways, such as being absent or lacking patience.
Listen to podcast interviews with literary agents talking about the size of the platform they like writers to have before they will sign them. Sit with that number in despair.
Brainstorm ways you can build a platform without looking like you are actually trying to build a platform, then research classes on building a platform. There’s one that’s very expensive, it’s out.
Text your friend copious amounts of emojis trying to convey your distress about the reel situation you’re watching unfold on Instagram. Declare your writing career over because your life is simply not conducive to finding the time/ideas/skills to dance/do voice overs/act/be funny/be on your phone a lot/make a reel and grow your platform, because apparently Instagram robots says reels are better than pictures and agents say you need to do whatever is better and so you just decide to do nothing except text your friend and complain again.
Come to the realization that you don’t even want a platform because everyone with a platform has to referee arguments in their comment section and remember that anxiety?
Move your text conversation with your very understanding friend about reels to Voxer, because there is more to say. Go back and forth for an hour or so about why you can’t make reels and how much you don’t even like reels and why the heck am I giving so much of my life to this conversation anyway?
Try to make a reel.
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Thanks to Daien Guo and Brevity Magazine for the prompt. And to Ashlee Gadd for sharing.
